Is anyone reading this?  I still get some spam notifications, but since I don’t know how to take this down, and I’ve been unsuccessful moving my blog, I will just post here periodically, and maybe someone will read it.  My plan is to have a Christmas Message on here sometime soon.  Meanwhile, for those of you who are interested in my testimony to Christ - this is for you.

On November 19th, I was honored to be the keynote speaker at the 2009 Washington Metro High Tech Prayer Breakfast.  It was a blessing to share my testimony of faith and God’s ample provision in our lives in front of over 800 esteemed business colleagues, along with some friends and family.  I have never enjoyed speaking in public more than I did on that day.  If you would like to see/hear the video/podcast, you can get it at:  http://www.astutetech.com/pb2009.  Please feel free to share the link with others - I’m really happy how the Holy Spirit worked in me that morning and enabled me to reach so many people.

We pick up Nick for his Winter break on Thursday.  It is amazing, but he has made it through his first semester at Virginia Tech.  And not just “made it through” but he has thrived!  Nick will end the semester with strong grades, several bylines on the Collegiate Times and a successful move into the college life.  Maybe I will be able to post some pictures here…I will try.  However, Facebook is still the best way to keep up with the Cafferky family.

Anyway - as I said - I will have a Christmas/Hanukkah Message sometime soon.  We have much to be grateful for.  Meanwhile - have a great week.  Check out my speech if you get a chance.

In Christ Yeshua,

Elisa

   So, I haven’t written in my blog in some time, and I have had several people asking about how the Caffs are doing, so I am going to try to do an update.  However, I can’t do it now – with end of government fiscal year and end of quarter and other aspects of life that are overwhelming, I have supreme writer’s block.  However, I just want to point your attention towards a fine young man who definitely does not have “writer’s block”.  Young Nick Cafferky, only a student at Virginia Tech for less than a month, is already a “Sports Staff Writer” for the Virginia Tech Collegiate Times.  As if that weren’t enough, his first byline as a writer, is a front page, above the fold article entitled “Rugby on the Rise”.  Please check it out at http://www.collegiatetimes.com/frontpagepdfs/20090917.pdf.

     Anyway – that is all I wanted to share right now.  All is well with the Caffs, God be praised, and I continue to narrate our life on Facebook.  If you are still following our exploits, thanks for your interest, comments and prayers.  If you have not, perhaps I will update this forum after the quarter ends – or maybe while I’m traveling on business next week to Seattle (I figure I will have plenty of alone quiet time at least in my hotel room.)    

     I hope you all are moved by the fact that nothing can stop a person who has motive power, talent and a desire to achieve.  Nick is on his way to realizing his dreams, and we will continue to dream big for both of our sons.  They are extraordinary young men.  I wish I could take credit for that but Mike and I are just blessed that God chose us to be Brendan and Nick’s parents.

      Have a blessed day and may you all realize a hope or a dream this week.  I know we have.  With gratitude and great faith in God, in the Name of Yeshua the Christ!

/elisa

So my dear friends, this blog needs to end.  A new book is about to be born.  In four weeks, we (as in, “I” plus the vulcans that live with me) start the newest stage of the race with our sons:  Nick goes to college.  Just like so many moms out there, my little baby boy, my “Coley”, will begin a new life where he decides what he wants to share with us.  My “little boy”, who is now 6′4″, strong-willed as the day is long, quadriplegic in body but superman in intellect (except with a potty mouth), will start college in a town about as far away as he can be and yet still be in the same state.

The whole Cafferky family dynamic is changing again.  And if you happen to be one who has followed this blog at all, you know what is the one thing that I have the worst time dealing with is that time between one season and the next.  It’s like a seemingly endless twilight to me.  Yet, I have faith that through our biggest, most challenging changes, some of the greatest blessings have come to be as a result.  For example, as much as I will miss Nick (and trust me, I am going to miss that kid like you don’t even know), I look forward to seeing how Brendan is able to thrive without being in his brother’s big shadow.  Because the B casts quite a charismatic aura on his own.  He is like a young David Letterman before DL became old and crotchety and mean spirited instead of cute and funny.  And, of course, he looks like young Brad Pitt, a la “Thelma and Louise”, but I digress.

I figured, I will get all open this very minute, I will share it and then we can consider a season of, well what I will call it does not yet have a name, will be over.  These two years have consisted of the longest days and some interminable weeks, and even some hours that felt like they would go on forever.  And with the exception for the first two weeks in acute care, and the first two weeks of rehab, I am as total a basket case as I have ever been.  I mean, I still have all that other stuff, but now I’m trying to make a quota.  Geez - just shoot me!  But really, I’m just kidding.  Mostly. 

Without a doubt, this is the most difficult week that I have ever had since the accident.  And yet, why?  This is such a blessing.  All I can say is that I will have to be strong and brave to fight the seduction of resting in an excuse to fold up and cry for about five days straight.  Mostly because I can’t because I have so much work to do and I don’t want to let people down.  But, God will only give me what He can handle with me.  And He is God.  And He is with me.  So, I can do this.  And if I can handle this, then everyone out there should feel confident they can let go and live a fearless life as a parent.  I’m not saying that if I do fail, then no one can do it.  But I am saying that I am trying, every day not to fall apart.  Not to blow off work or other responsibilities.  Not to fall.  If I should fall, then so be it.  But if I make it through this next 8 weeks, and we all know that I made it through 8 weeks of ICU as a mom, then any mom or dad out there reading this MUST KNOW that, if you love your kids enough, you can do anything.  Because it IS God’s Will that we love our families with all that we have.  So whatever situation you are dealing with as a parent, know that you can do it.  Because I am doing it.  And I am like the weakest of all of us.  God is REALLY strong in me.  But only one day at a time.

Thank God for this good day.  May tomorrow be as productive and encouraging.  If you want to know the rest of our adventures, you should join facebook.  It’s so much easier there.  I will keep writing.  

So I’m about to let go of the trapeze hoop and fly through the air, but I know that there is another hoop to catch and, with the help of Yeshua, then I will catch the next one.  And if I can do it, my boys can SURELY do it and so can all of you.  So I say, here’s to a season of living in victory.  Thanks for flying with us on our way to the “New Normal”, which is actually pretty good.  God be praised.

CaffMom

Random notes that I really should just put in my journal but I think I’m so witty and entertaining, that I am publishing them so that I can inflict my opinions and remarks on life on anyone silly enough to subscribe to my feed:

1)    Sleep is NOT overrated, no matter what you hear from brilliant facebook publishers.  When a person doesn’t sleep for a couple of days, while eating nothing but leftovers from her son’s party Saturday nights and the “m&m”s from the office, there will be a crash around day 3.  Suffice it to say that some people might find their organs going on strike for rest and sustenance.  When a person’s digestive system just stops working, it doesn’t matter if you stop eating.  Bad things will happen.  Just trust me on this on, OK?  Make different mistakes.

2)   Being a sales rep again, while providing me with a great job and pretty good money to support the family, is sucking the very life out of me.  I thought I was going to die when Q1 closed with me not on my number.  Now it is the end of Q2, and this has been a rough quarter, to say the least.  All I can say is that I might just physically cease to live if I don’t start closing some business.  I just don’t have the stomach for this rollercoaster.  The only way to flatten out this ride is to get the big win earlier in the game.  Please pray that Q3 is an “UPSIDE” quarter, and the proverbial rally cap of me twilight of my sales career.  I have never mixed work and prayer so much in my life – the only way we will lose is if it is just not God’s Will for SAS to proliferate my territory right now.  In the Name of Christ Yeshua, I pray for 200%.  In fact, I pray that I am at least 200%, and still not the best producer in NSG.  Even though my boss is totally cracking me, I think he is a fine human being, our team is just so awesome and our products are above average across the board and some are even pretty amazing.  It must be God’s will.  [SIDEBAR:  it is worth noting that, this week, for the first of what will probably be many times, my boss told me have to stop the “God Willing stuff” that I always say when I talk about deals.  Evidently, someone might get offended by my proclamations.  Well, I’m trying to quit cussing all of the time.  First things, first, right?]

3)   It may be “just a car”, but the whole act of considering trading the AMG, then shopping for a car, then the test drive with the cute sales guy, then showing the boys, then the actual transaction, then having something NEW in my life that I chose instead of was chosen for me, well that was fun.   This is the first decision I have made since the accident that I made thinking only about me.  Of course, I my guys all figure prominently in all of my decisions, however this was the first time in years that I was selfish.  I won’t be making a habit of it, but I appreciate the opportunity.  So thanks be to God, whose Grace covered this whole thing – from me letting go of something I really cared about from the past to making a decision based solely on how I “felt” about something.  My feelings are rarely even in the top 10 evaluation criteria in the choices that I make in life these days.  Gratitude abounds.  [SIDEBAR:  I really do have a crush on my car guy and I really hope he doesn’t read this, but if he does, so what.  I wonder if he would be glad or completely grossed out.  Anyway – carguy, if you are reading this, pretend like you didn’t when I see you again.  You know - if I need an ashtray or something else I don’t use.]

4)   Nick having minor surgery this week.  It is a urinary tract thing and the result of the surgery will be that we don’t have to catheter him anymore.  I’m sure you are wondering why we didn’t do this before.  I am wondering that, too.  With that, please pray that all goes according to plan and is completely routine, and that Nick is much better for having this surgery.  Nick’s pre-op was today, Mike is going out of town tomorrow and Thursday, and then Nick’s surgery is Friday.  Please continue to pray for us as we deal with details in the new normal life we are living.  Please know that your prayers DO matter, and I DO feel you lifting us up, and God is pleased when you intercede for us (for anyone – not just us).  Thanks for living la vida loco with the Caffs.

5)   Props to the Oracle Alumni who have made a generous contribution to the Nick Cafferky Special Needs Trust.  I cannot properly express my gratitude for the quality of the “fellow travelers” in this crazy industry that have been my colleagues and friends over the years. It seems almost crazy to remember that I was pregnant with Nick when I first met them some of these folks and, remarkably, some are still part of my life. [SIDEBAR:  The “fellow travelers” is a metaphor that Pat Kerrigan, a Sybase+ friend, used that I always thought was so apt. I actually think it’s a “Lord of the Rings” concept.   I will mention here that the Kerrigan Family:  Pat, Kathy (or Pathy and Kat as I sometimes say) Mike and Shannon have been “with” us consistently since the first day they heard about Nick.  If you guys are reading this, please know that you are always on my prayer list and you have been so great to us during this weird/tragic/uplifting/horrible/wonderful/blessed season in our family’s life.]    

6)   Nick just blossoms like a flower with each friend that has come home from school and each social interaction he has.   I realize he was starving for some real-life interaction with his peer group.  I think that we are at full friend capacity (most everyone Nick hangs out with is in town and inclined to hang out at CampCaff) right now, and Nick is just thriving.  He actually worked out AND showered last week.  He had a party on Saturday night, and he took  the reins on all party management, including delegating tasks to his friends and caregiver, Dennis.  In fact, I am really just now noticing how much Nick has been trying to be the boss of Nick.  I am pretty happy about  this and I am enjoying watching him thrive for the first time in a very long time.  Thanks be to God.

7)   I really enjoy “facebook”.   I have been pleasantly surprised by those who I have connected and reconnected with.  I wish I could just blog on my facebook notes, but I know most of you reading this don’t do the facebook thing.  Probably because your kids won’t let you.  Well, don’t NOT do the facebook thing (I will just call it FB from now on) just because your kids don’t want you to!  Just tell them that they don’t have to “friend” you if it makes them uncomfortable.  These kids think it’s all about them, when they need to realize that it is really all about ME.  No wait, it’s all about Jesus, that’s right.  JThat is all I have time for now.  However, I do have a pretty funny post-party story to tell so I hope to share that, since I am so witty and entertaining.  I do it all for the audience…. Anyway – remind me to tell you about the “Vodka Incident” on Sunday.  

Peace,

Nick and the B’s Mom 

     If you don’t know what I mean by “New Normal”, please  take a moment to read this note before you catch up with me.  I am thrilled that I am getting reconnected with so many old friends and business colleagues.  However - I just don’t want to tell the “debbie downer” (that is what my kids call me) part over and over again.  This way - we can all just address it head on (or not), but at least I don’t feel like I have to tell the story again.  So - here is the old post with some new changes.  Once you have read this, I’m definitely ready to party with you at LBSS reunion, or we just reconnect and stay in touch. 

The Day Everything Changed - August 12, 2007 On 8/12/07, our oldest son, Nick Cafferky, took a running start, flipped into a wave in the Atlantic Ocean on the Delaware Coast of Dewey Houston Street Beach, and broke his neck. A heroic Dewey Beach Guard, JeremyS, breathed life back into him, the team, including brother BobbyS and JimMay stabilized our boy, and then Nick was choppered to Christiana Care Hospital, a major trauma center, where Nick was saved and his journey to overcome his injury began. Nick sustained a complete spinal cord injury - a “C4/C5 Burst”, endured over 4 hours of neurosurgery, where he received a bone from the bone bank (we are certain it is an African American bone so he can continue to claim his blackness despite being an Irish Jew), a couple of titanium screws and a nice titanium plate to fix his broken neck. His spinal cord injury is considered “complete” and, while he does have some use of his arms, Nick is now a quadriplegic. We spent almost two months in ICU in Delaware, cared for by some really great people and living out of a van in the parking lot, with showers and meals provided by the Boarman family, and sometimes wings from the Shaw Family (the hero boys). After seven weeks on the respirator, a collapsed lung and several infections, Nick then “graduated” to “step down” where they prepared him for the move to the Kennedy Krieger Institute, where he would spend five months inpatient and outpatient, working with the brilliant team of doctors and therapists led by Dr. John McDonald, AKA Christopher “Superman” Reeves doctor.During this time, Elisa lived at KKI with Nick during the week, while Mike worked and Brendan went to school back home. On weekends, we did the switcharoo. Although, Sundays we tried to watch football together as a family. We were “inpatient” for two months, which was bearable thanks to some great RTs, RNs and Techs, and Thursday Chik-fil-A with the DeLucas, and also ugly and horrible thanks to the evil Mrs. C and her stepfordchildson. Then, because insurance only paid for 60 days inpatient, we then did 90 days outpatient. This meant driving back and forthe from Great Falls, VA to Godforsaken blighted Hell’spoint, MD for KKI therapy. While all of this was happening, the Langley/Great Falls/McLean community and our family, led by my sister, Wendy and neighbor Nancy, nurtured, fed and contributed lots of money to help defray the enormous costs associated with such a disasterous injury. There were block parties, barn dances, a really fun 3 on3 hoops tourney and an all out “TeamNick” community effort. Our faith in God was strengthened, Jesus remained at our side throughout and continues to travel this journey with us.Not as lazy as he may want you to believe he is, Nick was able to continue his Langley ‘08 Senior year schoolwork, and prepared to actually go back to school on March 3, 2008 where he finished out his senior year, took back the reigns of the Sports Page from his trusted Assistant Editor, Lauren “BFF” March, and graduated on June 12, 2008 with his class and awarded Principal’s Student of the Year Medal. After graduation, Nick decided to defer college for a year while he learns to be more self sufficient and adapt to his “new normal” - a handsome, 6′4″ young man that is paralyzed from the chest down. A remarkable person who never looks back, only looks forward and has not a hint of bitterness or “why me”. Instead, Nick continues to inspire us all by demonstrating that it is absolutely fact that your attitude determines your altitude, and there is no reason to think that Nick’s life will be anything less than the awesome adventure he has always known it would be.During this adventure, we blogged constantly, and if you are interested in the past, you can visit the original “CaringBridge” site that served as our communication medium to all while Nick worked through ICU. You can find this at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/nickcafferky. When we moved to KKI, Nick began his own blog to record his view of the journey, and he continues blogging at his site: http://www.nickcafferky.org. We also added “e speaks” a button on his site, or reachable at http://www.elisacafferky.org where sensitive/crybaby/faithful/strongwilled/completelymental/nick’s mom documented the journey from my perspective. This blog also continues today, due to popular demand, which has been a blessed surprise and and great place to work stuff out and give glory to God. We were blessed by the presence of new and old friends, who shared with us our successes and our challenges. There were great reconciliations, amazing new friendships, and sadly, some real disappointments. While our lives continue to be somewhat of a struggle, I can honestly say that (while I would NEVER say that this was a good thing to happen and I wouldn’t wish it on our worst enemy) WAY more good than bad has come out of this, and we are constantly amazed and humbled by the blessings in the madness - our cup surely overflows. Nick is even a freelance sports writing contributor to the Connection newspapers and he will be running the Great Falls Youth Basketball Referee program, with his handy voice recognition software and the most excellent HP system he has set up to make him a productive cub reporter on his way to great fame and fortune.After a year of caring for Nick full time (I had been co-founder of a startup company, Sawteeth, that I had to withdraw from and left poor Paul Dixon to try to sustain our dream), we are just now getting back on our feet financially. I am looking for a job that will enable us to stay in our house in this community that has sustained us so abundantly. We are also waiting to hear from the builders what it will cost to make our home “Nick Accessible”. Everything is pretty temporary right now. Nick sleeps in the old sunroom, the living room is his hangin out space, and we have a lame plastic temporary shower that will have to do, until we can build out a bathroom for him or move to another home. It looks like we will probably end up moving to a smaller home rather than make the changes to this house.  I still owe the Foley’s a nice note thanking them for all that they did to propose a solution to us, but at the end of the day, we just don’t have the money.  It’s going to be time to downsize CampCafferky.  God Willing, we will be able to sell our home for a good price and then find something we can be psyched about and that has potential for being the most comfortable, inviting and party friendly handicapped accessible home in the Langley School cluster (preferably Great Falls).  Or - perhaps God wants us to stay here - we will surely know if our money/work compensation situations become more like loaves and fishes.  If I can have a “loaves and fishes” year at SAS, and pay off debts, replenish our college funds and then MAYBE, just MAYBE, we could adapt our house.  But one step at a time…. 

That is it. The background. So now you know why Nick is in a wheelchair in all the photos, the unfamiliar settings in the pictures and the plethora of TeamNick shirts and attractive young ladies that are usually surrounding our ManBoy, Nick - including TeeShirtGirl Meredith, BFF1 Lauren and BFF2 Alyssa, as well as the many god-like athletic young men who are Nick’s DeweyPosse - including Von and Austin, studs who love each other in a totally non-gay (or so they say) way, the Langley Hoops team, all of the Saxon Scope Staff (she said “staff” heh heh) and too many other cool people to mention.And year two of the “New Normal” is drawing to a close.   I am, well as normal as Nick and Brendan’s mom is ever going to be. But MommaCaff loves her family, her life and we are all pretty bullish on the future. The wind is at our back and the Holy Spirit flies with us. Just as He was with Moses, God is with the Cafferky family. He will never leave us or forsake us. No one will be able to stand against us, all the days of our lives. So we got THAT going for us…..Update June 2, 2009:

*****Nick has Virginia Tech orientation on July 15 or 16th. Crazy.

*****Nick starts his freshman year at VT 8/23/09.  Crazier.

*****We are still searching for our caregiver(s) in Blacksburg, to start in August. Please pray thatthis works out just as everything else seems to have come together during this adventure. God has not taken us this far to let us go, now. That, I am certain.

*****I really like working for SAS and the Fannie Mae nightmare is fading into a memory and Mike’s work life seems to be improving every day.

*****Brendan’s grades have been great and he helps out a LOT around here

*****Nick’s caregiver until its time to go away to school is Dennis Murphy.

*****Facebook is where Nick posts now - I think his blog may be waning

*****I posted on my blog (all this) today and i will continue to write and publish to the wordpress and facebook when the spirit moves me

******Special thanks to Ann for being so gracious at the LAX game and thanks a lot to all who accepted my “Linked In” requests.

 May God Smile on us all today, this week, this month, this season, this year, until Jesus returns to take us all to God’s big party in Heaven.

In Yeshua’s Grip,

Elisa

     So here we are, almost two years into the “new normal”.  By all accounts, one would agree that the Cafferky family has weathered the storm, and that we are getting acclimated to the new climate of our lives.  Yet, each day brings new challenges, and to continue the weather metaphor, there will always be storms and uncomfortable conditions that  remind us that we don’t live in a place like San Diego, but rather, more like upstate New York or Minnesota.  No offense to natives of those regions, it is just fact that a geography that considers their four seasons as “June, July, August and winter”, does not exude feelings of constant comfort, easy travel and spontaneous outdoor activities.  That is kind of like what our “new normal” life is like:  dressing properly for varying conditions, having the right equipment to cope with unpredictable weather and difficult terrain or knowing when to concede to the environment and seek assistance or just stay home.     Try to imagine how difficult it is for a young man who has always been strong, athletic and courageous (or stupid – often the same thing) to find himself in this body that will not work with him.  Quadriplegia isn’t just being paralyzed; it is being trapped inside of a body that will not respond to orders and does not provide warnings of conditions that could be, best case, embarrassing, and worst case, life threatening.  Nick has handled the embarrassing things with a sense of humor and God-given grace that has eased this situation for us all.  However, Nick is not necessarily vigilant when it comes to being proactive with respect to injuries, complications or symptoms that should be explored.  Of course he hasn’t!  For his entire life, he has had that “shake it off” attitude – whether he was hit by a baseball or had his mug popped by Mike Sarson (old story – ask Nick about it – I think the video is on YouTube somewhere.)  Now, however, he, and we, MUST be aware of every single mark on his body, bump or scratch because when you have no sensation, you have no warning system.  I used to think it would be almost good to have no feeling in my body – life without chronic pain would be awesome.  But, without pain or discomfort, we will usually miss symptoms that, when left untreated, could be quite dangerous.     About six weeks ago, while we were in Blacksburg, Nick got a blister on the bottom of his right foot.  It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time, and we did the bandaid/Neosporin thing.  It started to heal (or so we thought), so we didn’t really worry about it.  However, last week, while cleaning the sore and dressing it, Mike saw that it had become an ugly wound, inflaming his whole foot and looking like it was getting worse.  So – Mike made an appointment to have a doctor look at it.  Net/net:  When our beloved Dr. Haggerty saw it, she immediately took action to treat it as a serious symptom.  In a healthy person, by the time a wound could get this infected, it would be so painful there would be no way a person could go without treatment.  However, with no sensation below his chest, and no ability to even look at the bottom of his own foot, Nick couldn’t know that this was starting to fester.  So Dr. Haggerty got Nick checked into Fairfax Hospital [Sidebar:  We had to wait 4 hours for a room, but it was worth it b/c we got a private room with two beds, woohoo!]     Truth be told, I totally lost it when they called me to tell me that Nick had to be admitted.  I’m sure you all can appreciate my disdain for hospitals and all of the uncomfortable feelings that come rushing through my entire self when I think about my young man, once again, in a hospital bed.  But, thank you Dana – who helped me keep it together to wrap up my work and go meet the family, and thanks to Nick for being his usual “this ain’t nothin’ but a thang” attitude.  I mean, all he was upset about was having to miss the Caps game.  [Sidebar:  if you all know how that worked out, it’s probably good that he and his friends weren’t watching the game at our house or they may have trashed the place or started drinking – both unacceptable actitivies!]     So now, I am at home with Brendan while Mike hangs out with Nick at the hospital.  This morning, a specialist told us that Nick dodged a bullet and this was caught before anything really bad happened.  For that, we thank Dad and Praise God.  He will be on the extreme antibiotic therapy for at least another 48 hours, but we are hopeful he will be able to come home on Saturday.  And, we really are pros at this hospital stuff, so it hasn’t been as traumatic as it used to be.     I would like to share more about my personal feelings about all of this, but there is no time now.  However, I just know that, for the rest of Nick’s life, he (and we) will have to remain vigilant in his care.  We have to recognize limitations and know when to seek medical assistance or take a rest or whatever.  As I said at the beginning, we are adjusting to a new climate in Nick’s life.  Every once in a while, I get so sad that my boy’s life will be so much harder than it could have been.  I also struggle with feelings of guilt (are we doing enough? are we vigilant and aware? Are we too lazy?) and fear of the future.  And then, of course, there is the insidious bouts of self pity – the “Why us?”  “Why can’t it be me and not Nick”  “What did we do to deserve this” and the worst one “I just can’t take it anymore”.  But today is not the day to delve into my fears and depression.  Today, I am glad that Nick is OK, our family has a plan to deal with the current crisis, and, as always, God will get us through it all.  As Bob Dylan and my friend KimE says:  We don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.     I just wanted to let you all know what was going on.  Nick will be fine and he continues to respond to the antibiotics.  Please pray that he continues to heal, his nurses stay competent and pretty and wise, and that his doctors are really paying attention to Nick’s wound as well as Nick as a person.  Also please pray that Mike and my work is not negatively impacted and that we don’t drop any balls regarding Brendan’s needs and other family and friend obligations.  Trust me – we would much rather be helping others than being the perpetual family charity case.  But, as always, we appreciate your prayers and all of the kindnesses you continue to provide to our family.  The Cafferky family continues to keep on keepin’ on.  God be praised.     Just a quick side note:  Many thanks to KellyC., DianeP., CristyR. and DanaN for planning the big fun Cinco de Mayo Tech people reunion party last week that doubled as a fund raiser for Nick.  I am always so amazed at the generosity and love that so many quality people share with us.  It is pretty comforting to know that we are loved and that our family has such an extended family in our community, in our workplace, in our industry and among all of our old and new friends.  Thanks to all who contributed, and I give it an 80% chance that at least some will get thank you notes!      Thanks for following along.  I will keep you all posted.  Meanwhile, we will have mini-updates on my, Mike’s, Brendan’s and/or Nick’s facebook status’.  If you have “friended” any of us, you will get scoop.     May you all enjoy the blessings and grace that my Lord continues to shower over us all.  Our cup indeed overflows.Shalom!   Nick’s Mom

I read this description in one of my trashy magazines that are such a great escape for me when my brain gets too busy with things to worry about.  The article was about John Travolta and how he is dealing with the death of his teenage son.  Now, I certainly do not have the pain and grief that comes from losing a son.  Obviously, we were so blessed that Nick was saved and continues to adapt to his new self.  However, I seem to be having a harder and harder time with our new normal and where it has left me in my pursuit of happiness and success in life.  Perhaps it is because I haven’t been writing about my feelings and our progress so these thoughts just jumble up in my head and give me a perpetual anxiety attack.  Living life one day at a time is really difficult.  I cannot remember the last day that I didn’t cry at least once.  I can put on the act, walk the walk, talk the talk and keep up with work, but on the inside, I am sometimes just so sad and just fighting the hopelessness that comes with being afraid of whether I can make it another day.  Geez - that sounds so melodramatic, but it’s been how the last month has been for me.  Am I a good mom?  friend?  employee?  partner?  I don’t know.  But I do so want to be.

Hence, I am going to try to post today, to give thanks to some very generous people who have helped us financially, spiritually and with a kindness that I know that I don’t deserve – but my family does – so I thank you all for caring about the Cafferky family, in spite of my shortcomings as a friend, neighbor, employee, partner and sister in Christ.    I’m so embarrassed and tired of begging for money and help when so many other people have needs like ours. 

Please forgive my sporadic updates to those of you who continue to pray for the Cafferky’s and desire to know what is going on with Nick.  I know I have been promising to tell the story of how Jude, who seemed to be our savior as a caregiver, blew up and ended on such a bad note.  I’m still so sad about the whole thing but it is what it is.  However, I just wanted to tell you all the story and get it over with.

Jude, from the Philippines, came to live with us in November, recommended by Josh Basile and his caregiver, Dan.  Jude had just arrived in the United States when we met him and we hired him on the spot.  We were under the impression that we could formally sponsor him for a green card, and thus we could expect that Jude would receive a temporary work permit in a reasonable amount of time so that we could employ him legally.  The immigration lawyer we worked with, gave Jude and his sister, Algerica, the impression that a temporary work permit could be obtained in a 3 – 5 month timeframe.  This proved to be a naïve and overzealous ambition.As I am working in the technology field, supporting National Security Accounts, I knew that the process to get me “cleared” to work with my customers would be imminent.  With that, and frankly, my very strong beliefs in legal immigration and distaste for those who try to get around the rules, I knew that we would have to keep everything on the “up and up” with respect to Nick’s caregiver.  In addition, while we were treating Jude as a visitor to our country, he could not be paid by Nick’s Medicaid benefits.  So we were paying Jude an “allowance” and providing him with our home as his home, until his paperwork went through.  I don’t think that Jude had a full appreciation for the amount of money and time we were spending to help him to help us and how important his legal immigration status was to our ongoing relationship.  When March came, and I was informed by our immigration attorney [SIDEBAR:  His name is Mr. Winston Tsai of Bethesda, MD and I DO NOT RECOMMEND HIM AT ALL.  He is rude and condescending and habitually misled Jude, Algerica and me) that we could not expect any movement on Jude’s status for at least another six months.  At that time, I called my congressman, Frank Wolf’s, office and I was educated by a very kind Judy McCary about the real process.  I found that we were so far from where we needed to be that Jude, as competent and as helpful as he was, may not be the person for us.

Since we were losing so many Medicaid benefits, we decided to hire another caregiver to work with Nick during the day – one who would meet the citizenship requirements for our benefits.  My thought was that we would continue to have Jude live with us, pay him a living allowance and have him be a part of our family, helping us as he could, while we continued the process for his green card.  Unfortunately, that meant that Jude’s pay would be cut in half, as many of his caregiver responsibilities would be handled by our new guy, Dennis. Still, what we were paying him plus room and board, was a strain on our finances and we didn’t want to take money out of Nick’s fund for this. 

Evidently, this cut in pay – which I continue to maintain was not a salary but rather living expenses so that he could build his life here as we endeavored to make him legal – caused him great dismay.  He was concerned about supporting his family at home, but we were totally open to him finding other work during the day to augment his family allowance.  I think that Jude didn’t understand that our provision of his own room and all living expenses (including the fact that we were paying for his immigration process) was actually a compensatory benefit.  In addition, Jude felt that he was being taken advantage of in some way, and that the new guy, Dennis, was just leaving work for Jude to do.  I really tried to find some way to get Jude some additional work as well as have him help us with the chaos in our home.  However, this did not suit Jude.  At the end of March, Jude came to me, in the middle of a work day, and broke the news to me that he was going to move out and live with his cousins in Maryland.  This really shocked me for a variety of reasons and I was very upset.  Unfortunately, I had to go out to a scheduled appointment, and it was a Friday so Jude was leaving for the weekend.  I begged him to wait on his decision and that we would talk about it when he returned on Sunday and I was sure we could work it out.So Sunday came – and Jude did not show up.  On Monday morning, he did not call, he did not post, and Mike and I realized that he must have quit on us.  I sent text messages and called him with no answer.  Honestly, he has not spoken to me since that Friday.THe next Wednesday, Algerica, his sister, called me – but I was too emotional to deal with the situation (it was end of Q1, I was trying to close a deal, we were leaving to visit Lauren in CA in 3 days and needless to say I was stretched beyond my limits.)  Mike talked to Algerica who indicated that Jude had “not yet decided whether he would be working for us anymore.”  Mike, who was not as much of an advocate for Jude as I was, let Algerica know that when someone doesn’t show up for work and doesn’t call and refuses to answer calls and text messages, that they have made the decision  already.  I mean come on – I was hoping that Jude was loyal to Nick and wanted to be there for him, and I thought that we were going out of our way to help Jude with his immigration issues, and trying to make him feel like part of our family.  Obviously, if he could just not show up or call, he was not committed to my son’s well being as I had thought.  And that, closed the door for us.  So on April 3^rd, we left for CA, sad that our plans were changing but resigned to it.Then, weirdly, Jude (through Algerica and email – we still have not spoken to him since he left) indicated that he wanted to come back.  Well, that isn’t going to happen.  In fact, I now believe that he did this all to “call our bluff” – like see how bad you need me….now you will give me what I desire.  Well, the Caffs don’t respond well at all to ultimatums and silly games.  THEN – Jude sent Mike an email that sort of indicated that I was the problem and that he wanted to come back if Mike wanted him.  I guess Jude really misread our family dynamic, because I was his advocate from day one and he burned that bridge.So now we have Dennis from 9 – 5.  He doesn’t do the bowel treatments and he doesn’t do all of the stuff that Jude did to keep things orderly and Nick exercised and bathed, etc.  But, I am the only one that seems to mind that.  And truthfully, we really need to focus on getting help in Blacksburg for Nick, so this just expedited the inevitable, as Jude could not go to VT with Nick without the proper immigration status.There is more to the story, but that is the net/net.  Jude wanted more than we could legally provide to him.  Honestly, I have never met a person with such a servant’s heart yet was so prideful at the same time.  With that, Nick doesn’t care and Mike doesn’t care, so we continue to persevere with the help we have now and we are praying that we will find the right help for Nick when he leaves for his Freshman year at VT.

I feel really bad about how this all ended with Jude.  And I do miss him keeping our home in order.  Although, I do not miss the way he seemed to judge us about the way we live and our disorganized and chaotic life.  I mostly miss him folding the laundry! 

Anyway – that is the Jude story.  If anyone knows of anybody in the New River Valley area (Blacksburg, Christiansburg, Salem, Roanoke, etc.) that wants to consider a caretaker role for Nick, please refer them to me or Mike.  We are hoping we can find someone to live with Nick in his dorm room (maybe a student who is willing to step up to some responsibilities to help Nick in exchange for us paying for his room and board.)  In addition, we will need to have another resource that will be able to help Nick with morning and evening care (showers, bowel treatments, helping him get dressed for the day and in bed at night.)  Please pray for us that we will find the right help.

So I just wanted to get this over with.  I will be following up with another post to talk about where we are now, thank many for the last two fundraisers (The St. Patty’s Day party and the Cinco de Mayo Party) and all those who continue to pray for us and who have been so generous with time and money.  These last two months have really set me back emotionally so I have had a hard time posting, but I will.  Mostly because its the only way to stay in touch when our lives are so busy.

As always, thanks for caring.    Please pray for Jude, that he can find a situation that works for him and his family.  And thank you for your continued prayers for us.   While I feel overwhelmed and sad and melancholy (it didn’t help that I was horribly sick for almost two weeks) - please know that my faith remains strong.  I know that God has a great plan for me, and for my family.  I will continue to place my troubles at the foot of the cross and keep the faith that better days are ahead.  And I humbly ask you all to pray for Brian Murray who has another surgical procedure on Tuesday.  May God give his Doctors and Nurses great wisdom and skill and may their family be blessed with courage and reasons to be grateful.

A couple of shout outs - Jo Anne and Melanie - I couldn’t survive without you.  Luz, Liz and Juls - thanks for keeping me grounded in Christ.  My beloved husband who is walking with me through the fire.  Kelly, Cristy, Dana and Diane - thank you for Tuesday - what a surprise.

 PS - for all of those who donated at the St. Patty’s Day party, we found out that the Kidz Clubhouse is now closed so Mike sent back all of your checks.  If you still want to donate, please make checks to the Nick Cafferky Special Needs Trust.  Unfortunately, this is not a tax deductible trust, so if you can’t do it, please know that we will understand.  I still have lofty goals to send thank you notes - we shall see.  But know that all of you are so appreciated and are always in my prayers.

 Love in Christ,

Elisa “not always a basket case” Cafferky

This is what he posted on his facebook site the other day (I don’t think he blogs on the wordpress site much anymore).  I wanted to share it with you all.  You would never know from reading this that Nick was actually injured and left a quadriplegic in this place that is still so special to him.  Obviously, like a person, we don’t want to define a place based on one thing that happens, one moment in time. 

By the way - Brendan is crazy awesome, too.  Our family is truly blessed and despite some hardships, the things that really matter seem to be well under the competent management of a merciful and loving God.

From Nick’s Facebook:

Dewey BeachYesterday at 1:01amMost people have that one special place that they have fond memories of. Whether it be their childhood house, there college town, or maybe their vacation home, almost everyone has that place that in their mind is perfect. For me, that place is still Dewey Beach. 

I miss it pretty much every day of every month that I’m not there. It encompasses every memory from the first time my parents gave me the freedom to go get lunch all by myself, to the summer I lived by myself and worked, to last summer and the “Dewey Crew.” I love it so much that it pains me to know it’s a ghost town September through April. 

My dad told me that when the accident happened, his first thought was that it was the end of Dewey for our family, but I could never let that happen. There is so much history there that Dewey means even more now. 

The one thing that I recently thought of was that, out of all the buildings in Dewey, I think my building is the only one with an elevator. Without that, my house in Dewey s out of the question and the beach would be just a memory. I thank God pretty much every day now that elevator exists…ironic because we use to complain it was there when no one used it. 

I honestly don’t know why I wrote this, other than I heard a song that reminded me of the beach; maybe I miss writing a little because it’s harder to do now. I guess I just wanted to say thanks to everyone that help make it the place that is so special to me and that I’m glad it is a place I still look forward to going. 

So, it’s a gray, cold Friday the 13th, work is kicking my butt, Jo Anne’s benefit for us is tonight and I’m not sure anyone is coming, and I’ve been sick with the flu (or residual damage from Phish weekend combined with Daylight Savings multiplied by work pressures and the “end of quarter” hysteria).  However, I am taking a break from work right now to watch the Hokies, with God’s Grace, defeat the Tar Heels, who are probably the best team in the NCAA.  And even though I have a soft spot for the ‘heels (thank you Jeremy Shaw every day), I hope we kill them.

Just some random notes/thoughts about what has been going on with us:

1)      We have a new caregiver, young Dennis Murphy, who is now Nick’s helper while we wait for Jude’s work permit.  Please pray that this process starts to move faster.  Jude is going to continue to live with us and we will support him here and continue our sponsorship with hopes that he will be our long term provider.  However, we need to keep things legal, if for any reason that we can’t get any Medicaid payments if our caregiver does not meet their requirements.  Dennis is a great young man, Great Falls native and seems to have blended in fine with the disorder and anarchy that reigns  at this particular frathouse.
2)      Next week, Mike, Nick and I are going down to VT to talk to the Office of Students with Special Disabilities to arrange the logistics and whatnot for his move to Blacksburg in August [Sidebar:  DONOTFREAKOUTELISA].  I am very blessed because another neighbor, someone who specializes in special needs services, trusts, benefits, etc. is going to help me understand what the State will provide for us and how we can take advantage of some of the Federal and State Education and ADA programs for Nick’s benefit.
3)      I heard this week that Jay Nussbaum’s wife, sadly I don’t know her first name, passed away suddenly last week.  Truth be told, I was never a big Jay Nussbaum fan at Oracle.  However, Jay is President of Agilex,  where my brother-in-law works, and when Dom told Jay about Nick, right after his injury, Jay and his wife (whom I didn’t even know) immediately connected with Wendy, as they are involved with Mt. Vernon Rehabilitation Hospital.  They arranged for Wendy to tour the facilities, and they provided her with information and questions to ask and were just very generous with their time and support for a stranger (me) during our worst crisis.  While we didn’t end up at Mt. Vernon (we went with KKI for the pediatrics and the methodology), I will always be grateful to Jay and his wife for being ‘present” for us.  I pray that Jay experiences comfort and peace and is surrounded by loving friends and family.  Having met Jay - I know his wife must have been a strong, confident woman.  I’m sure she lived her life with grace and generosity and I pray that she is in Heaven with her Lord right now.  Please join me in praying for Jay and his family.
4)      This world is really hard.  Every day, I see around me friends who have lost jobs, or kids that are making poor choices or people who just don’t seem to be able to deal with life now.  Sometimes I am one of those people.  All I can say to that is, this, too, shall pass.  I never thought that at almost 45 years old, I would be back to working as a field sales rep.  I know that after 20 years at Fannie Mae, Mike never imagined things could get so dire.  And I see everyone out there, fighting their good fight - whether it be work or chemo or school or WHATEVER.  I want you to know that I am praying for all of us.  It’s all going to be OK - God told me.  (laugh if you like - God loves to mock proud mockers…)

5)  If you are a “prayer warrior” and you know who you are, please pray for my friend whom I barely know, named JoAnne.  She must be a very cool person b/c two of my favorite people, Mel and partyJo Anne, have been helping her through her horrible cancer treatments.  I pray that the recent bone stuff that they did works, she gets some healing and remission and that she can enjoy a great summer.  This I pray in the Name of Christ, Yeshua.

6)  Kids are coming home!  I just hope I get to see BFFLauren before she boogies down to BooVA to visit TeeShirtGirl.
7)      Around Christmastime, I had a chance to speak with a dear friend that I used to study the Bible with.  She and her family have experienced a lot of very high highs and very low lows like ours has, just in a different way.  She was just telling me about losing her brother (Donnie, RIP) and some pretty serious challenges her family was facing, and she was SO optimistic.  I was like, Lou, how do you stay so positive through all of this.  And this is what she told me, and I was CONVICTED and I will remember it:
“I just think about how God brought us through such a terrible time in the past.  And not only how He carried us through,
but all of the awesome blessings that resulted from that journey with Him.  I just cannot WAIT to see what He has
planned for us next!  I think this is an exciting, not a scary or sad time at all.”

May God give me this attitude every day.  I mean, really - if you have been following this blog, you know how blessed our family has been and continues to be.  I will not lose faith.  Not in God, His Son nor His Spirit and I will continue to see His work all around me.

OK - Virginia Tech is down by 1 at halftime and my “lunch hour” is through.  Thanks for listening.  I hope to see some of you tonight at the party at the Grange in Great Falls, 7 - 11:30.
elisa

Jo Anne Lewis, a wonderful friend and a prayerful sister and neighbor, feels called by the Virgin Mary (Hey - I do NOT make this stuff up) to have a party to raise some money for the renovations needed on our home.  Originally, it was going to be a Great Falls thing, but frankly, while people have been VERY generous and sent checks for the effort (Jo Anne had a goal of $175,000 and we are already at $13,000 which amazes me no matter what), we aren’t getting the party crowd that we really were hoping for. 

This is a pure-play St. Patrick’s Day Party - but on Friday the 13th, which could account for people not wanting to leave their homes.  That said - I am inviting all who read this, that are 21 or over, to our party at the Great Falls Grange on Friday, March 13, 2009.  I’m so sick of begging and living off the generousity of others, so if you can’t donate - just come and party with us.  Now that I’m back at work full time, all we ever do is work and deal with home and try to stay up on the local sports and handle our community obligations.  There is nothing that would make me happier than for some of you who are still interested in our lives to come drink some beer and party with us, in honor of Nick and the sense of community that his tragic situation has brought forth.

So, if you find yourself unafraid to leave your home on Friday the 13th, without a full dance card and just wanting to spend some fun time with us and, dare I say, encourage me to keep one foot in front of the other, please join us on Friday, March 13, 2009, 7:00 - 11:30 at the Great Falls Grange at 9818 Georgetown Pike, Great Falls, VA.  Please RSVP to Jo Anne Lewis at 703-444-1634 or lewisjobill@aol.com.  The place can only hold 200 people so Jo Anne was very judicious in the invitations she sent out, but I’ve found that if you invite 200 you might get 50, and I think the more people the better.  I’d at least like to beat the attendance at Nick’s New Year’s Party, which was so much fun.

Again - if you are moved to donate - great.  All the details on how to donate and where it is going (Wayne Foley’s very generous bid to do the adaptations to our house at cost) will be provided at the party, or you can ask Jo Anne to send them to you.  This note is really just to get the word out that this is NOT an exclusive event.  We just want to have some fun.  And if you have followed my silly blog this long, you at least deserve some drinks and snacks and real bagpipes and good tunes just for being present in my life.  And since it’s all on Jo Anne - you can thank her.  I know I can’t thank her and Bill and their wonderful family enough.

Please call Jo Anne at 703-444-1634 or email her at lewisjobill@aol.com so we can know how many are coming.  And don’t forget to wear green - I pinch.

Thanks a lot - I will post more about the status of my new job and our interim caregiving solution and the glacierlike pace of Jude’s work permit and so on, maybe even later tonight.  Meanwhile - try to come party with us on Friday the 13th.

Hoping to see some of you next Friday -

Elisa